Depression

In 1990 I was diagnosed with major depression, recurrent. It was during a 10 day psychiatric stay that I found out about this, and that wanting to kill yourself on a daily basis wasn’t normal thinking. That may be overstating it a bit, as I wasn’t continually suicidal, but the depression was always overwhelming.  It was difficult to get out of bed, let alone go to work or be productive.

And it was then I bought into my first myth of depression. Labeled as an SMI (serious mental illness), I blamed all my problems on depression, and its attendant problems. However, simply being on meds wasn’t enough for an effective change.  It certainly smoothed out rough patches, but life was still not easy. The fact I was also fighting a neverending battle with alcohol and drugs didn’t help either.

In 1992/93 I was hospitalized again, and this time I applied for and received SSI. For the next 7 years I lived on 540 dollars a month. The depression grew worse. Even with meds, med changes and all that goes with a public healthcare system (rated as one of the worst in the country at the time) I felt no better than I did in 1990.

A chance meeting in 1997 at an AA group led to my first job since ‘90. The benefit of working and staying on meds did more to improve my mood than anything. I was able to get off SSI, work and try and restart a life that never really took off. I was 32.

In the following 11 years, I’ve maintained employment, apartments, some relationships and a bit of sanity. I no longer let the depression control me. More accurately, I don’t let societies ideas of what being mentally ill is, control me. I stopped buying into the lie that I couldn’t be productive. That relationships were a dream, and happiness unreachable.

When someone like Pacione blames their own illnesses for asshole behavior, they do a disservice to those of us who choose to fight our problems the right way. Those of us who understand the debilitation of depression, and march forward are being shat on by his ilk. They seem to think they can do no wrong because it’s the “disease”.

My depression has exacerbated other shortcomings, which makes every day an uphill fight. But I don’t give up. I don’t back down.

Mostly importantly I train the demon, it doesn’t train me. I choose my own path, make my own decisions, and in the end have no one to blame for failures but myself.

No Further Proof Needed

As if we needed any further proof that La Femme Nikita is a worthless, illiterate, lying, no talent, sack of shit, here’s the only proof you’ll ever need. http://npacione.wordpress.com/2008/12/03/i-could-be-a-prick-and-say-something-mean/.

Now I never knew Joe McGee. Never traded emails, friended him on myspace, or read his books. I do know he was well liked by everyone who knew him, have never heard anything derogatory about him, and that he spent a lot of time helping others.

Shit for brains Pacione, unwilling to admit he has no talent, or any evidence of humanity has decided to talk trash about the recently deceased McGee. He’s butt hurt because Joe, like everyone else, saw that Nikita can’t even write a grocery list, let alone a story.

I’ve ignored Nikita for awhile now, but this is the final nail in Nikita’s coffin. Mentally ill or not, the greasy haired troll will be held accountable by everyone. There will be no pity. There will be no remorse. Only keeping NIkita in the obscurity he deserves is acceptable. As much as he’s pissed off people before now; this will enrage a whole new round of people, and woe unto the Illinois hemmorhoid, when they get a hold of him.

More Whining From Nikita

While Rusty has done a thorough job of going through La Femme NIkita’s latest manic episodes, I had to comment on one particular passage, as he doesn’t seem to think his own behaviour is anything but honorable.

The World Wide Web needs some governing parties to make sure assholes like the ones who go around violating copyrights and impersonating someone need to be cracked down, Illinois got some new laws passed and this is something I do have faith in and that’s the system.  The way the literary industry well the horror industry is – they carry themselves like it’s a God Damn dictatorship.  That was why I wrote the one article – the new publishers who seemed to sleep their way into the publishing side of things;  act like there is no room for authors like me in the industry , well this is a free country.          

They do need a few Republicans in charge of this too because they do get the job done in this department. 

Well, Nikita, what about sending fraudulent paypal invoices? What about death threats? How about those threats of bodily harm? Hmmm, are you sure you want your right to be a douchebag on the internet taken away?  That would leave you so much time to do something like, oh I don’t know, learn how to write!

See, I’m a published writer now, so you can’t bitch about me talking down about how horrible your work really is. Not that it makes a difference. You don’t need to be a garbage man to know shit when you see it. And everything you do, NIkita, is shit. Your stories are laughable, your AC articles unreadable, and your attempts at editing are not worth the paper they get printed on.

You should stop pretending to be something you’re not. Something you’ll never be. A writer worth reading. The best you can call yourself is a typist. And a bad one at that.

A Legend in His Own Mind

Well, it’s that time to pay a visit to the emotionally stunted, talent challenged, La Femme Nikita. He’s managed to post another blog entry from the depths of dial up, invoking his own importance, martyrdom, and ignorance.

Seems that when I get an article published or an editorial picked up, these bastards act likle the natives are restless with each comment. The constant misquoting of my blogs and you stealing my work repeatedly asshole is biting you repeatedly in the ass.

Well, I’m not sure what likle means, but can assume he means like. The fact this sentence still makes no sense, is by now, beside the point. The constant misquoting of his blogs, is a big Dagstine of a lie. Everyone who quotes you, does a simple cut and paste of a brief section, no misquoting. However, even this simply concept is lost on the mental midget.

The son of a bitch from Finland decided to harass my family via the mail system, and correct me of I am wrong isn’t that against the law?  Especially when there is no return address on the envelope.  I know how they got my grandmother’s name they were going on another website that was out there and I didn’t create this.   I am angry as hell they are stalking my family’s blog postings and all of that too especially when one admitted they’re going around stealing my posts from AssociatedContent.com.

Sending mail, with or without a return address is not a crime. Pretending to have talent, also is not a crime, but should be.

The obsession this fucker has is one of the most unhealthy and seems like he’s a serial killer waiting to happen.

Hmm, this from a creature who regularly sends death threats, fradulent paypal invoices, promises physical violence, promotes hate crimes, and  prints paranoid posts that have no basis in logic. Wanna see a serial killer in the making, look in the mirror NIkita. Though, being the chickenshit you are, maybe you’re too afraid to take anyone on, other than online.

Nikita’s sense of importance is amusing to no end. The fact he thinks having someothing posted on AC, somehow legitimizes him, or his writing, is delusional, to the point of insane. His power trips, of thinking he can ruin anyone’s career other than his own (if he had one that is), is grandiose thinking on his part. He can’t even get out of granny’s basement, let alone tie his own sleepsack.

In an effort to portray himself, as a misunderstood, picked on, martyr, he truly reveals himself for what he is, one of the true cyber trolls he loves to crow about.

Second Verse, Same as the First

Our poor, put upon Nikita has some new whine out on his blog. It’s a bitter tasting, white wine (we all know Nikita doesn’t like anything other than white) with dregs of past pressings clumping at the bottom. He starts this one off with the second biggest laugh of the day,

Seems that I got no privacy and the fuckers The Rusty Liar and ExposeTheFucktard figured out ways to vialate those very freedoms in the United States — the right to privacy

Nikita, this is the internet, where privacy is just a word to look up on dictionary.com. Now, even when John McCain tries to distance himself from Bush, NIkita tries to hide behind BUsh’s anti piracy czar. Such is NIkita’s delusions of grandeur he thinks that the publishing world lives and dies by his writing. That if it doesn’t get published, the industry will suffer.

News flash LA Femme NIkita, the industry will thrive even more without your writing poisoning the well. It makes room for those who have talent.

Intellectual properties need to be protected a hell of a lot more now especially since more authors are opting to publish themselves; and this is something that comes into attack often the self-published author gets pirated worst than the mass market one and it hurts the self-released author more than the mass market guy but either way it hurts.

Trus us NIkita, you’ll never have to worry about anything involving the word intellectual.

And in other news, Dagstine ate a lot of candy and felt the need to share it over on Shocklines. That sound you hear is an entire messageboard not caring.

Attack of the 50 foot Ant

Ant has a couple of great articles up on AC, regarding La Femme Nikita.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1081906/review_storms_of_armageddon.html?cat=38

 

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1081844/a_review_of_mr_pacione.html?cat=38

11 Years Online and Still Incoherent

Nikita seems to be in one of his posting frenzies again. http://nickolauspacione.blogspot.com/2008/10/in-11-years-ive-been-online.html. And like his other posts, it’s rambling, full of lies, self delusion and lulz. 

I only had to change servers only three times. I am just getting everything set up for getting a laptop so I can be mobile with running Lake Fossil Press that means when I am signing books I can edit the other anthologies.

Let’s pretend that’s not a run on sentence for a minute. First, Nikita, if you mean ISP’s, then frigging say, ISP; they’re not servers. Not that I expect you to know anything basic like that. Common knowledge seems to be out of reach, even for your high 70’s IQ. Second, who edits anthologies while doing a signing? Do you even understand what you write? I may make some spelling errors, or forget some punctuation but I generally catch them and correct them. 

 A few assholes got mad and decided to force me off one server saying I had a lot to blame for it, that’s bullshit and they know it. 

Again, it’s not a server, it’s an ISP. ISP stands for Internet Service Provider. Bet you didn’t know that. I admit, I thought it meant irritating stooge pacione, but I was corrected. no one forced you off anything Nikita, your OWN actions caused that. Jesus, when are you going to stop playing victim, and realize your being an asshole is what gets you banned and kicked?

  That will be the start of the furniture search too, and storage space for it. Yeah storage will be a bitch but it’s almost needed becausE I do live in a full house. I know that I will be getting another apartment again eventually, a matter of when and trying to find something based on my income as long it doesn’t look like a total dive. Digital TV, damn that’s also a possiblity too. When I get on my own again I will have DSL and wireless.

Yeah, because it’s always better to get furniture first, pay for storage and then find an apartment. If you need to find something based on your income, I have a cardboard box I can send. Your income is an SSI check. If you weren’t such a lazy, leeching pile of greasy hair, and got an actual job, you might be able to afford something other than granny’s basement. 

But like your ability to write anything worth reading, it’ll never happen.

Dialup or Wireless-Nikita is Still Talentless

Okay, I’m a bit late to talk about Nikita’s latest scrawlings across his blogs, but being a follower of all things political, it’s been a bit busy lately. now with a couple of days off I can catch up and work on the podcast. Over on blogspot, NIkita starts off with,

Can’t do anything really interactive yet with this blog or with main website until I get Verizon in here;

So either comcast or his granny finally gave him the boot. I’m proud of the small part I was able to play in that, as maybe La Femme, will finally understand, that his actions have consequences. 

 Pay in advance as how I want to get this set up.

Uhmm, yeah.

I’ll get back to his internet in a minute, because a bit later in the blog, he talks about how he pays his writers; you know those poor bastards who haven’t done their homework and think Nikita is actually a publisher, or talented.

 There are 15 authors and they will be paid intervals of six starting November since the book is just out. The authors are paid via PayPal and right out of my own pocket.

So he’s going to self print a book when only 6 of 15 writers are getting paid, if he even pays them. We all know NIkita’s history of paying writers. If I was one of the other 9 writers not getting paid, I’d be pissed. Pissed enough to tell Lulu my work was stolen.  and who else’s pocket would the money come out of? You’re the frigging “publisher”, you’re damn right you should be paying them you moron.

Okay back to his internet drama.

 I am looking at just under $60.00 for Verizon a month and that is unlimited access 

Plus the deposit. And given his upscale, two kitchen livin’, that’ll be about 250 bucks. Plus the wireless modem. Wireless through verizon, Sprint, AT&T, Qwest, et al, require either a smartcard or a USB wifi modem, it can’t be accessed through regular wifi cards. And Verizon has a 5 gig download cap. He must have had Dagstine or Phoolbin do the research for him on that. 

  Netzero is handy don’t get me wrong for under $20.00 a month, 

It’s 9.95 a month, my mother uses it. 

 Who is to blame really for me losing access to Comcast? Not really myself, but I have to say one asshole who was pissed off at the fact he got in trouble for violating my copyright on another article I wrote for AssociatedContent.com so he wanted to get a little payback in there by giving the abuse contact information for Comcast – that fucker is to blame for it happening so I am trying to keep commenting on asshole bloggers to a minimum because I am not going to risk losing these accounts too. The reason I don’t have my own account with Comcast is because of the ex-room mate failing to return the box and modem then opened her account using the modem saying, “I already do have a modem and box.” I didn’t really have to change servers a few times, but Earthlink I let go because of money problems – and that will be paid off within the next month too seeing if I can get that going as one of the backups for my wireless.

 

Yes, Nikita, it’s never your fault. We all write hate posts and send death threats to ourselves. We send ourselves bogus paypal bills as well. Look NIkita, I know you have the attention span of a retarded fly, but I never got in trouble for putting up your AC article. WordPress never asked me to take it down, I did it on my own. After 5 days of it being up, everyone who would ever read it, already had.  And then he blames his ex roommate, and everyone else, yet still doesn’t see it’s his own innate assholeness that causes his problems.  He does say he’s keeping his commenting to a minimum, not because he’s seen the error of his ways, but he doesn’t want to have his accounts taken away.

Here’s a tip, Nikita, if you stop posting hate speech you don’t have to worry about your accounts being taken away. 

Let’s take a stroll over to his wordpress blog now. Come now, don’t be afraid, I’ll hold your hand, just mind your shins, as a greasy haired troll might jump as high as he can and hit you with a copy of TP 2 or 4. Oh wait, those were taken down from lulu for copyright infringement. He says over here, 

 I was looking forward to getting on them since yesterday and I get a large memory limit so I have to keep that to a minimum. I thought about getting WebTV too for just doing other things on here. I designed my website originally so people on WebTV wouldn’t have any trouble navigating the site. I guess with this being done I can go back to updating my main website to see what I can do in making it a little more interactive once again.

Well you know, doesn’t everyone design their websites for the millions of Web TV users? I call bullshit. The day NIkita thinks of someone other than himself, is the day he’ll write a sentence that contains no spelling or grammar errors. 

So with that some of you who know me in real life might be reading this blog, and just to warn you I will have a lot of offensive terminology in there, 

Notice he says, some of you who know me, and not friends. Even he knows that having him call anyone his friend is a lawsuit waiting to happen. And anyone who has the misfortune of knowing him in real life already knows how offensive he is. 

Earlier, he mentioned having a large memory limit. Guess he did find out there’s a 5 gig cap, but it’s not memory you ignorant prat. 

Then again, in NIkita Land, the one brain celled fool is King.

The further adventures of Captain butthurt

Nikita has awakened from his slumber after giving us all a break from his ramblings with a brand new piece on Associated Content. http://therustynail.wordpress.com/2008/09/26/nicky-on-ac-regarding-cybertrolls/. Rusty has posted screenshots of his latest piece, and quite frankly, it’s simply more of the same. WHAAAAA! People are picking on me!!! Whaaaaaa! They’re stealing my work and being poopie heads! Rusty did a superlative job of deconstructing the troll, and I couldn’t add much more than this: I’d like some cheese to go along with that whine, please.

I’m a heterophobe!

Well according to La Femme Nikita, I am. I mean he wouldn’t lie would he? He never lied about being 100% Italian. He would never send anyone a fraudulent paypal invoice. He’d never not pay a writer, would he? 

Here’s the complete insult, taken from his wordpress blog. 

 Raingods is the biggest raging HETEROPHOBE I’ve seen on here and some of these schmucks are going around pirating everything I guess this is giving them a permit to go pirating Tabloid Purposes II because Baxter got it shut down.

Let that sink in. On second thought, don’t. It could scar you permanently. Apparently Nikita was in such a rush , he forgot punctuation and grammar. Okay, he always does that, but can someone please tell send him a Strunk and White’s? 

And for the record, I’m not a heterophobe, I’m a douchephobe-an intense dislike for all nitwits.